I Have a Very Small Favor to Ask...

Yeah, um, Yankee starting rotation, it would be like really nice and stuff if you, well...I'm not sure how to put this, if you um...pitched (awkward cough) betterish. I mean, n-not that you're pitching bad or anything, no no, I would never imply...that. It's just, like there (stammer) are nine innings in a game and of course you know that, you are all smart, smart people, yes very smart, and I would just like, I mean I beg...oh that's too strong a word, I politely request that you pitch more than five innings. You know, if it's not too much trouble and all that would be fantastic. Well, maybe five is a bit much. Four? Yeah you're right, four is kind of stressful. How about three? Oooh, I know what you mean three innings is a third of nine, right? Yeah, that is a lot. Two innings? Two's a great number, you know what they say about two...(Pause)..great things come in twos and...well (awkward cough) I forget the expression. Glad we got that out of the way because Scott, Luis, and Sean look a tad tired. I mean, not that tired because it's not like you're not going deep into games. It's just Scott's arm kind of looks like jell-o...but not the bad jell-o like lime or anything. It looks like cherry, which is good I guess. Can I have a word with Mariano? Thanks, I appreciate it. Hello, Mariano, I know it's been rough. I mean great. Super great. If you could err...perhaps, not lower but, maybe adjust...very very slightly, your earned run average. It seems a bit, and I stress a bit, high. Not high, no Mariano, not at all. You don't have to stare like that. I mean you can if you want to. Yes, I do bleed easily.

Cool, I am soo glad I told you all of that. I didn't mean to offend, really. Wait, why do you look so angry? I am sorry, ok! Jesus, don't hurt me. Yeah I have a sore back so putting me in the laundry cart would hurt and...oww my back is kind of tender, so the iron rod isn't helping. Oh...OUCH...ok that's enough, you can let go of my pants. I mean, please let go. Thanks. I'm gonna go head over and talk to Bobby for a minute. I won't be long.

Heyy, Bobby, what's going on? I see you're not hitting well, I mean hitting well, I mean hitting very well, exceptional even. But I just think you could be even more exceptional. Ok, not more exceptional because you're perfect but slightly more perfect. Just raise the greatness a little. Sure Bobby, you can punch me in the chest but only a maximum of six times. Great, it's good to see we're on the same page. Here's the thing: on a scale of one to ten you're at about a forty-five. But usually you're at fifty. Fifty-two I mean. Fifty-six. Err...I had pink eye last month so jamming that utensil there might not be a good idea...unless you think it's a good idea, then it's a great idea! Stupendous! Yes Bobby, I'll get in the laundry cart. Sorry for the inconvenience I might have caused you.