Babe Ruth or Babe Dahlgren? Vol. 2

Babe Ruth or Babe Dahlgren is a periodic feature that highlights five ballplayers/teams that are succeeding (like Babe Ruth did!) and five ballplayers/teams that are failing miserably. This is a blatant rip-off of Baseball Tonight's 3 up/3 down segment except I am discussing 10 players instead of 6.

*Note to all those who don't know who the hell Babe Dahlgren was: the other Babe played with the Yankees and some other crappy teams for 12 seasons during the 30's and 40's. His career obp is a robust .329 and his career slugging percentage is an awe-inspiring .383. God, you plebians don't know anything.

Babe Ruth

1. Alex Rodriguez- No one stops The Rod anymore. He can hit any pitch and screw any bitch. He should surpass Hank Aaron's homerun total by August.

2. Travis Hafner- Pronkers has decided to work on hitting a lot of singles which is cool when he's hitting about 4 of them per game. Throw in some more dingers, Travis, and you will be the alpha dog of this list.

3. Sawwwx- Average Boston Red Sox fan, take it away: "The Sawwwx raped the shit out of those fackin' Yanks and it was more than wicked awesome. The score in the first game was like 176-4 Sawx and Schill pitched all nine. That was sweet, man. Then Murph and I had a lagah and smoked some cigahs and banged some broads in front of the Auerbach statue. Let's go Celtics!"

4. Jake Peavy- Peavy would be higher if he hadn't stunk in his start against the Diamondbacks last week. Sixteen strikeouts in one game gets him on the list because strikeouts are like philly cheese steaks: they are soooo satisfying.

5. Ian Kinsler- Kinsler has eight homeruns and is attempting to be like A-Rod, but we all know that it is impossible. Still, Kinsler might be good enough to be A-Rod's stunt double.

Babe Dahlgren

1. Carlos Delgado- Carlos, you are killing my fantasy team. You hit like a sick baby. Do better, and you will be rewarded handsomely with extra playing time on my squad.

2. Washington Nationals- I have a feeling they will be in the Babe Dahlgren zone all year. Nick Johnson won't even want to come back to injure himself again.

3. Gary Sheffield- Sheff recently wrote a book filled with angry rants. With the way Sheff is hitting, Jim Leyland might have an angry book of his own in production.

4. Alex Gordon- The Great White Hope of Kansas City is slugging a robust .290. But look at the bright side, at least the Royals are...um, well, doing sort of bad and...well, you have your health and then there's the fun of playing baseball and...Ok fuck it, there really isn't a bright side.

5. Gerald Laird- Gerry, baby, heyyy what's going on? I heard you're a catcher for the Texas Rangers now! How's that going, old buddy? Ohhh, you're batting .113. Yeah....Gerry, I would try carpentry or interior decorating. Rewarding careers, I'm tellin' ya!