I Have Not Forgotten About the Large Men and The Peach Baskets

Yes, yes, I know today is the beginning of the NBA playoffs. Who doesn't love playoff basketball? I do, but I can't help but feel the climax being drained slowly out of the whole thing by the fact that I will still be talking about playoff basketball in June. Let's at least make the first round 3 out of 5 and cut a round out of the postseason. I have a few other requests/demands as well... I want Dikembe Mutumbo to always play in the playoffs because nothing is better than hearing Dikembe utter a syllable. Furthermore, I want each player to have to grow a playoff beard and wear a huge afro (even the whiteys) because it will entertain me more. In addition, Nate Robinson must be allowed to fight anyone he wants during the halftime of all games; he can fight fans, announcers, cheerleaders, mascots, small children, large basketball players, and a cardboard cut-out of himself. I also demand....

"Umm Ross, your demands are absurd. After the plea to shorten the first round of the playoffs, I completly lost you."
"Alter ego, I don't care what you think. My demands are awesome and should be implemented now."
"I believe Nate Robinson would violate six different laws by partaking in that brawl. Surely that would be bad for the league's image."
"The league's image doesn't concern me. I only want to be entertained."
"That is very egotistical of you."
"That is very egotistical of you."
"Do not mimic me."
"Shut up fuckface, you have no say here. You are the second-string ego and I am number one. You are the Chris Weinke of alter-egos."
"Sorry, master."
"That's right, my bitch."

Now that I have sublimated my alter ego, I bring you my predictions for the first round of the NBA Playoffs!

Miami over Chicago- Ben Wallace looks hungry but Shaq can definitly eat more blueberry pie and vanilla wafers

Detroit over Orlando- Someone needs to feed Tayshaun Prince. The Magic have a chance in this series if Prince is blown off of the court by the Palace's ventilation system.

New Jersey over Toronto- My Nets will kick the shit out of Chris Bosh and co. after Bostjan Nakbar drops 123 points in game three. Oh yeah, and Vince Carter will do stuff too.

Cleveland over Washington- No Agent Zero, no fun. But hey, the fans can look forward to crazy catch phrases that back-up center Calvin Booth has in store.

Houston over Utah- 5'3'' balding white man and 7'5'' Asian unite for victory!

Phoneix over LA Lakers- Kobe and co. fall to the magical Canadian and his large black friends.

San Antonio over Denver- Tim Duncan will show his violent and passionate side by putting his towel next to Manu Ginoboli's locker without asking for permission first.

Mavericks over Warriors- Pitying the Warriors, the Mavericks let the Fort Worth Community College Wombats play the second half of game four.