Game Recap: Somehow Hideki Okajima Is Now Better Than Mariano Rivera

There comes a time in everyone's life when they just say "what the hell??" really loudly. After tonight's 7-6 loss to the Sawx, I had my "what the hell??" moment. Alex Rodriguez continues to be Roy Hobbs (the good Roy Hobbs who hit about 100 homeruns during that montage and never ever hit a single) which of course is awesome. No one should be surprised by this: the man just plays baseball at a higher plane than everyone else. The real shock came from Mariano Rivera's second blown save of the year. He's been Superman for so long and now he's getting knocked around by little elfs like Marco Scutaro and Coco Crisp. C'mon Mo, don't let the elfs beat you. Yankee fans might want to freak out but most sane fans realize that Mo is entitled to his moments of suckitude and will most likely pitch well again.

The real purpose of the post is to hand out some game awards. I don't usually give out awards for individual games, but this crazy contest makes it seem worthwhile.

The "Boogie Nights" Unintentional Porn Reference Award- Yankees broadcaster John Flaherty, who spent a good two minutes discussing Jason Varitek's "soft hands" and "his ability to receive the ball."

The J.C. Romero Award for Royally Fucking Up- Mariano Rivera. Sorry Mo, but it just was not your night.

The Roys Hobbs Montage Where He Hits A Million Homeruns In Two Games And Breaks That Clocktower Which Was Badass Award- Alex Rodriguez. Who'd ya think would get this one, Will Nieves?

The Asian Memorial Award for Best Asian Pitcher- Hideki Okajima. During his wind-up, he jerked his head more times than the average call girl in a three way.

The Kool-Aid Man Award for Most Timely Hit- Coco Crisp, who like Kool-Aid man, knew the right time to break through that wall and offer up some fruit punch Kool-Aid.

The Julio Franco Senior Citizen Medal of Honor- Jason Varitek. He might be an old, broken-down, blind, and senile dog but he certainly hit the crap out of the ball.

The Chris Farley Look-a-like Award- Curt Schilling. He clearly is enjoying his peanuts and ice-cream and the scraggly blonde hair only adds to the image. Yeah Schill, you stay classy.