I report this news with great sadness but "Zero Hour" has come. Our friend Mel Kiper Jr. fought bravely with a battalion of supporters but his efforts were in vain. His last words before being forced back into the cryogenic chamber were "Holy fucking Christ, not again! Why, God, why?! Stop laughing Berman, you fat fuck!" Profound, so very profound.
The resistance movement to save Mel Kiper Jr. ultimately failed...
...because of this
It's a little-known-fact that ESPN has a fully operational squadron of robots...
...and they also have the one true weapon of total destruction...
Yup, we're all fucked
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