Prince Fielder's Daily Work Out Regimen

In celebration of the Milwaukee Brewers' first place record, BBBC presents an exclusive copy of Brewers slugger Prince Fielder's work out regimen. BBBC appreciates all of the Brewers fans and hopes they treasure this item from their hero.

7:30 AM- Wake up, jog three times around bed.

7:45 AM- Finish jogging, call personal chef to prepare breakfast.

8:15 AM- Eat breakfast of mashed potatoes and gravy, Twix bars, fried bacon strips, frosted Eggo waffles, chocolate lard, and a sesame-seed bagel (extra cream cheese and butter)

8:16 AM- Request seconds.

8:17 AM- Begin half hour "power nap."

12:10 PM- Overdo power nap to build more power.

12:30 PM- Drive to ballpark, stop at Mario's Famous Pasta Barn. Eat brunch of baked ziti, jumbo lasagna, salted/fried cheesecake, and basket of garlic bread.

12:32 PM- Eat two more garlic bread baskets.

12:50 PM- Arrive at ballpark. Jog around first base four times.

12:56 PM- Finish jogging, begin stretching routine. Stretch quads, shoulders, and stomach rolls. Do 10 sit-ups. Do 5 push-ups if physically possible.

1:00 PM- Hit soft-toss, ridicule Bill Hall for being anorexic.

1:50 PM- Study film of tonight's pitcher. Order stuffed crust pizza from Dominoes, request sausage bits, bacon grease, and chicken strips be forced into crust.

1:53 PM- Finish pie. Do not give any to J.J. Hardy or Rickie Weeks.

2:15 PM- Raid Dave Bush's locker, consume power bars and 10-pack of Jack Link's Beef Jerky.

2:18 PM- Tell Dave Bush rodents ate his food, offer condolences. When his back is turned, eat piece of chili left on clubhouse carpet from Tuesday.

3:00 PM- Sleep in clubhouse, eat healthy salad. Give rest of salad to Bobby the clubhouse attendant.

4:15 PM- Awaken, do jumping jack in left field with teammates. After jumping jack, sit down on grass and stretch calf muscles.

5:00 PM- Take batting practice. Practice hitting to left field. See hot chick in third row, start hitting to right field.

5:20 PM- Batting practice again. Eat case of Ramen noodles after second round. Attempt to have sexual relations with hot chick.

5:40 PM- Geoff Jenkins asks hot chick out first. Bludgeon Geoff Jenkins with bat rack. Blame the rodents again.

6:15 PM- Throw warm-up tosses with Kevin Mench. Ask Kevin if he smells cheese fries.

6:35 PM- Finish tosses, ask food vendor by first base line for a medium-size container of cheese fries.

6:36 PM- Change order to large.

6:50 PM- Starting lineup announced over PA system. Blow huge fart in Kevin Mench's face when his name is announced.

7:00 PM- Game time. Eat good-luck packet of licorice. Blow one more fart in on-deck circle.